John's Nightmare

*This is part 6 of the "How We Met" section.

I explained to the best of my ability my situation with my ex-husband. Now I'm going to explain to the best of my ability my husband, John's, situation. 

John had met his ex Ashley when she was 18 and he was 25. She soon became pregnant and toward the end of her pregnancy he married her to do the right thing and to be able to cover her and the child on insurance. He now knows this was a mistake and knew then it was but didn't realize how big of a mistake he was making. He figured he made his bed and had to lay in it. His mother even told him not to marry her, that plenty of people have children out of wed lock.... that is saying something. But he went ahead and did what he thought was the right thing to do.

During their relationship Ashley would not work. She stayed home to take care of the baby. She also partied, slept late, refused to clean the house, and went out with her friends. Among many other things, she also drank. A lot. And would go party with different people and men. She was underage and drinking whenever she wanted. John felt like he had no control. He worked full time and then some. He was trying to provide for his family. He thought he'd get her to stop behaving this way, that she was just young. But she kept doing it. She did not want to grow up and take care of her family. He gave her many opportunities to change and go to college in the evening. He supported her and tried to make her become a better person and mother. But she wanted to party. She did what she wanted. John had even caught her kissing other guys and once on Father's Day a woman knocked on his door (Ashley was still asleep upstairs) and tells him that she doesn't want his wife around her son any more because they've had sex and now he's following her around like a puppy while she's just playing with his feelings. He proceeded to confront her and she denied the whole thing. He knew of course it was true. But he had a child. What could he do? He felt so lost and weak.

Now from my perspective this is BS. Who the heck puts up with that crap!? It's really hard not to judge someone, especially someone you love, for things like this. He didn't deserve any of the things she put him through. But he'd lay down and take it. He was miserable but did not know how to escape. I am only able to process this kind of stuff because I too did not know how to get out of my situation. 

Anyway, this continued. They had a second child. He gave her many ultimatums and she'd calm down her actions for a while. But things just went on to be bad with her not working, not taking care of the kids properly or the house, not cooking meals for their family, partying, drinking, drugs (yes drugs, coke and weed specifically), the men she'd be around and cheat on him with, etc. And many many worse things. There are so many details that I could not possibly sit here and lay them all out. And you probably wouldn't believe me if I did.

These are the types of things that sound so ridiculous that it can't be true. Or that I am only saying these things because I'm his wife and I hate his ex. Well, that part is true. I do hate her. For many reasons but none are just because she's "the ex." The staggering amount of things she has done we have evidence of. Physical evidence that we have till this day. I am not bias, exaggerating, or lying. I don't have to. I only wish I were for the children's sake. But that is neither here nor there.

The point is he was stuck in his own hell that he did not know how to get out of but knew he wanted to get out. All he needed was motivation. He found that motivation the night we met. The night she dragged him to that club on the threat that if he did not go, she would go without him and he could wonder who all she was with. I saved him from his hell. And he saved me.